Tuesday, April 19, 2011

An Uncertain Future

If you have read any of my posts, you know that I adore my students and absolutely LOVE my job.  The school year is almost over and I have had some ups and downs during my first year.  Initially I was overwhelmed.  I felt as if I had no support system and I really had no idea what I was doing.  I did my best and my efforts were definitely recognized.  Eventually I found my support system and became very comfortable with the team of teachers I am working with.  I know that I was not perfect and that I would change a few choices I made, but overall, I am proud of the work I did this year as a first year teacher.  Over the past few months I have been reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses as a teacher and I had big plans to create amazing lessons for my next class of students.  I was truly excited about summer break not because I am burnt out, but because I wanted to get working on next years plans!

Yesterday I got some very upsetting news.  My principal informed me that the projected numbers for next school year are not high enough to warrant a fourth kindergarten, therefore, I was placed on the surplus list.  That means that if there are any openings in the district, I will be given an interview with the principals before any newbies.  My principal is hoping the numbers will go up enough for the district to add my class back on, but she wants me to weigh my options if another opportunity comes along.  I am not sure how I am feeling about this news.  I have definitely been going through some phases in my feelings.  When she first told me the news I was in shock and wasn't upset in the least.  She had told me just last month not to worry about next year!  Once the shock wore off and I told people the news I got a little nervous.  Now is not the time to lose your job!  Most people assured me that if I didn't get a job at my current school, I'd find one in the district elsewhere.  That's all fine and good, but I have my dream job and am afraid I will have to take a job that I really don't want.  After feeling nervous I became sad.  I shed a few tears once I got home but quickly changed my feelings to being overwhelmed.  I am currently packing up my house and cannot even fathom having to pack up my classroom.  I have no place to put all my teacher stuff!  I am not sure how I feel right now.  I need to stay positive so that I can continue to serve the students that I love.  I am trying not to let this news interfere with my teaching, but it is hard.

In this economy I am lucky to have found a job at all.  I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to teach these children this school year.  I have learned so much, and no matter what my future brings, the memories and lessons I have learned this year will always be close to my heart.  I am hoping to get my job back, or a job in my current school, but if God has other plans for me, I say "Bring it on!"

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